


The living and the dead

by tenmillionotters



Series: Tokyo Ghoul Reverse!AU [2]
Category: Tokyo Ghoul
Genre: Angst, Existential Crisis, Gen, reverse au
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-10-08
Updated: 2017-10-08
Packaged: 2019-01-10 18:50:36
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,387
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12305460
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/tenmillionotters/pseuds/tenmillionotters
Summary: Take stared into the small bathroom mirror and gulped, only now he realised how his grandparents have never treated him like he was fully human. Yes they loved him, but there was something cautious in the way that they treated him, like he was some kind of wild animal that would attack them if they made the wrong move. Well were they wrong…?





	The living and the dead

Take stumbled through the unfamiliar streets of Tokyo, this city was a labyrinth, his eyes were blinded by the lights and his ears numb to the all the sounds. His mouth was dry and he could barely stand on his feet, he hadn’t eaten anything in days and he was sure that he’d soon starve if he wouldn’t find the right prey. 

But no matter where he went it always felt like thousands of eyes were staring at him, they knew what he was doing, they were judging him. This wasn’t the place he wanted to be, this wasn’t a place he should be… The only thing that was worse than the nagging doubt was the hunger that slowly drove him insane. 

He didn’t want to kill anyone, he never done it before but now he had to, he was all alone if he wouldn’t help himself he’d die. His vision was blurry but he could smell a human nearby, now he really didn’t care if he’d be seen or not, he just couldn’t take this hunger anymore. 

“I’m so sorry…”, the ghoul murmured under his breath as he slowly approached his victim that suddenly stopped walking. Hadn’t he been quiet enough? How could he hear his footsteps? The city was so busy and so loud, but the man still heard his careful steps? 

“You’re a ghoul right...?”, there was no sign of anxiety or fear, he was calm, “... you’re going to kill me aren’t you?” The man laughed and sighed. “Well… go ahead. There’s nobody waiting at home for me anyway.” 

Take’s hands started shaking, this was his chance, the human wouldn’t fight back, but for some reason his body didn’t react, he only sunk to his knees and started crying, “I can’t do this - I can’t… I can’t do this…” It seemed like only one of them would die in this dark alley tonight and it wasn’t the human. 

But if he had to die now, he at least wanted to know who it was, the person whose life he'd spare while ending his own. He was slender build and had long hair that he tied up in a ponytail, his skin was so white, glowing in the cold light of the street lamps. A sudden noise startled him and he took off, was he scared by something? 

“You’re pretty bold you know that…”, someone growled behind Take, his voice was muffled, the words broke behind a mask, “Who do you think you are that you just walk into my ward and start causing trouble?” 

What was more merciful? Dying by the hands of another ghoul or slowly starving alone in a city that was a mystery to him? 

“... but you spared the human…”, he grabbed Take and pulled him up, “I suppose that gives me no reason to kill you. For now.” The young man took his mask off and deactivated his kakugan, “We’ve all been in your situation at some point…” 

Fox face, he had these cold brown eyes, would he be the last thing Take would see? 

“Guess I have to take the stray puppy back home…”, he sighed and picked the other ghoul up, he was too weak to walk there and it seemed like he was also way too exhausted to stay awake. 

The smell of blood and flesh made Take sit up, cold sweat was running down his spine, where was he? 

“Eat up. You’re pretty lucky that my storage is always full. I don’t want you to cause more trouble than necessary,” Fox face was holding a plate in front of his face, how caring, he even chopped the meat into small pieces, “You’re not from here, are you?” 

Take shook his head and stuffed the meat into his mouth. He wasn’t really in the mood to talk but he owed the other man answers, “... this is the first time that I’m in a bigger city… it’s confusing… I used to live on the countryside, in the mountains. My grandparents took care of me…” 

“And they never showed you how to hunt properly?”, what kind of ghouls were they even? “No offence but I can’t train you in something you should have learned as a child.” 

“They were humans.” 

“Excuse me?” 

“My grandparents… they were humans… I didn’t have to hunt because… they collected food for me. They died 3 months ago. They left money and a letter for me, they said I should go to Tokyo, they have friends here who’ll help me,” Take sighed and now that his stomach was slowly filling everything made more sense again, “I got lost, this city is just too big and their information was too vague…” 

“And that’s how you ended up striving through the different wards,” this guy didn’t come off as a liar, he was just… a little helpless, “What kind of information did your grandparents give you? Maybe I can help you.” 

“You’d real-”, Take stopped mid sentence feeling a little stupid as he realised that he stranger had already saved his life, so he surely wouldn’t stop just there, “... thank you. They said I should look for a family called Nishino, they’re… mixed…? And run a small business.” 

Fox face nearly choked on his coffee and coughed awkwardly, “... great… next thing is you tell me that I have to crawl up Ui’s ass for you…” But after a while he sighed and stood up, “Listen, I still have something… there’s someone waiting for me. Eat up and I’ll escort you to your destination.” 

Was he angry…? Why was he even helping him in first place? Take had so many questions but he felt like he had no right to ask any of them, “... thank you…” He felt so uncomfortable, why did he always have to rely on others? 

“Don’t thank me…”, his mind was somewhere else wasn’t it, “... he’d better be damn proud of me..” Why was he blushing all of the sudden…? 

Oh yes, Take should eat up. Hunger was such an unfamiliar feeling to him when his grandparents were still alive, now it wouldn’t leave no matter where he went. He was truly useless… but they couldn’t have taught him how to hunt, they were humans. 

“Do you have any papers on you? ID, anything?” 

Take nodded lightly, “Yes, I do.” He kept everything that was important in an envelope that he carried around in the inside of his jacket so he wouldn’t lose it. 

“Great. Then let’s go already.” 

As they stepped out of the small flat, the older ghoul was in awe over the sunrise. It was the first time that he saw it clearly, it was so warm and beautiful… Fox face didn’t interrupt him, but he looked a little stressed so Take hurried up and followed him. 

“We have to get to the 20th ward, it’s not that far away from here and you’re lucky… that’s actually my destination too. I’ll drop you off at the funeral home and then I’ll leave. Kimi will take care of the rest.” 

Kimi? Maybe one of the Nishino’s but he couldn’t remember that his grandparents mentioned someone named Kimi, but he had to trust… “Sorry, but what’s your name?” He was tired of calling him fox face in his mind, that surely wasn’t how he was called. 

“Kuramoto. You?” 

“Hirako.” 

There was nothing nice about meeting each other, they weren’t humans so there was really no need to pretend that they were polite nor delighted over their current situation. It felt like they lived in a world that existed parallel to the ones that humans had created for themselves, they lived in the shadows of humanity, so there was no need to adapt to their rules when they were among their own kind. 

“It’s not far from here. You should get used to walking, but I suppose you already are. It’s a little too dangerous for us to take the trains, there are ghoul investigators everywhere.” 

“... okay,” only now Take realised how dangerous the past weeks actually had been, being robbed of all his senses by nagging hunger he didn’t really pay attention to his surroundings, he could have died at any given moment. Suddenly he felt dizzy, what would have been better, dying or living? 

These thoughts had been haunting him, was his existence even worth all of this pain? Wouldn’t it be easier if he’d just die? Take looked around, suddenly he felt so detached from the world around him again, everything was so surreal. He was grateful for Kuramoto being one of the quiet type, he didn’t talk much except for giving directions and checking on the older ghoul occasionally. 

It felt like they were walking for hours until they finally reached a large building, it didn’t look very welcoming, but it was a funeral home after all, why should it look welcoming? For some reason Kuramoto suddenly hesitated as he walked closer to the entrance. 

“Kimi is not really… my biggest fan, you know? Don’t be surprised if she knocks me down.” 

“Okay…” 

But a young man opened the door instead, he was taller than Itou, had black hair and dark eyes, his skin was pale and his expression was gentle but there was threatening about him, “Oh hello… Itou, long time no see.” 

“... Madoka… please… I really don’t want to cause trouble, I’m just here to help someone out. This is Hirako, he’d been looking for you but got lost and almost caused trouble in my ward. I’m not saying that he’s your responsibility now, but…” 

The young man smiled but it was razor sharp, he adjusted his thinly framed glassed and stepped out of the building. “Hirako, you say? That name rings a bell. I suppose he did not cause any trouble in your ward, otherwise he wouldn’t be standing in front of me now. I grateful for you taking care of him until now and yes, that’s our duty now.” 

He gestured that Take should already walk inside the house and wait for him, which he did without asking any questions, but before Madoka followed him he turned to Itou one last time, “If I were in your place I’d be a little more careful when it comes to your choice of words, considering how much time you spend in my ward.” 

Was he trying to sound threatening? Itou sighed, there was no point in fighting now, “Listen, I know that we didn’t have the best start, but I really don’t want to cause more trouble. I’d love to discuss this matter with you but… someone’s waiting for me. I have to go now…” 

He couldn't stay at this place any longer, he already wasted hours and even though he knew that he’d get odd looks by these upper class humans again he couldn’t stand being separated from his human. 

Madoka watched him leave and he couldn’t quite tell what it was, but something about Itou was off. He had never acted like that before, did someone beat sense in his brain or…? 

“Itou smells like a human.” 

“Hm?”, the young man turned to his sister, “What do you mean?” 

“I’m trying to say that he spends a lot of time around a human,” she cracked a smile and pinched her younger brother’s cheek, “Of course you can’t smell that, you’re a human yourself after all.” 

“Yeah…”, he sighed and looked at their guest, “Kimi, that’s Hirako-san. He got lost on his way to us, do you know anything about him?” 

“Oh, Hirako Take? Yes, his grandparents were friends of our parents. He was adopted years before they adopted me,” she smiled warmly at the older ghoul, “Are you hungry? Do want something to drink - you don’t have to reside in our hallway. Let’s go somewhere cosier, the kids are sleeping right now, so we have to stay in the kitchen but everything’s better than the hallway.” 

Actually he didn’t really mind. It was a neutral space, did they also invite their customers here? Apparently they did. There were a few chairs lined up next to a heavy door that led to an office. Another heavy metal door seemed to lead in their workspace, but Take didn’t want to see that now. 

He quietly followed the siblings and took a seat when it was offered to him, even though they were nice to him, he wasn’t sure if he could trust them already. 

“... I’m sorry that I showed up so suddenly… my grandparents died 3 months ago. My grandpa shortly after my grandma…”, Take sighed and stared at his hands, “They left me a little money and… a letter that only said that in case of something happening to them I should come to Tokyo and look for a family called Nishino, they said you’re… mixed… they always referred to my family like that, so I knew you’re humans and ghouls.” 

“That’s clever…”, the young woman murmured as she prepared coffee, “I’m surprised that they still remembered us. It’s been 27 years after all.” Kimi sat down on the counter while the smell of freshly cooked coffee filled the kitchen, “How much do you know about your parents, Take?” 

He was a little taken aback by her calling him by first name but he didn’t mind, it was oddly calming to pretend that he had found a place he could stayed, “Not much when I am honest, they never really talked about them… I mean… my grandparents weren’t really related to them after all.” 

Madoka played with a jar of cookies that was standing in the middle of the table before he pulled it closer to him and started eating, “You’re practically famous…” Even when he ate his pale face looked beautiful, cold but beautiful, “I didn’t know that you’re that Hirako Take. You’re the reason why my family does this… you know… give food and shelter to ghouls.” 

Seemingly confused by that statement Take turned to Kimi, “So you really don’t know what happened 27 years ago, do you?” As the man shook his head she brushed her hair out of her face and tried to memorize every word her mother had told her, “It was like this… my family had been running this business for a while, when… someone broke into the morgue in the middle of the night. It was your mother. She was starved and weak, crying that she didn’t meant to cause harm but she was so hungry and she didn’t eat because her husband vanished when he went out to hunt for her and the baby.” 

Silence spread the in the room, they knew what happened to him but nobody dared to say it out loud, “I don’t know what exactly moved my mother so deeply that she did what she did in the end, but she promised yours to take care of both of you and so she did.”

“A few weeks later you were born… your mother wasn’t strong enough to survive the labor but she at least got to hold you one last time… she’s the one that named you Take. My parents were a little lost back then, they didn’t want children yet and they weren’t sure how to explain this to the neighbours, but then…”, Kimi sighed and slipped off the counter, “They remembered that they had met an old married couple that owned a hotel in one of the northern regions of Japan, somewhere deep in the woods where the CCG would never look for ghouls. So they brought you there.”

“... and mother wanted me to be ordinary so badly she even gave me this name…”, Take felt his chest tighten, so he owed this family so much, if it weren’t for them he wouldn't be alive now. 

“You’re welcome to stay here. Under one condition,” Madoka had meanwhile consumed one half of the cookies in the jar, he wouldn’t feel guilty about it, he was the only human in this house after all, “You have to help me and my sister with all the work that comes with running our funeral home. We’ll pay you, you’ll get food and a place to stay. Our two younger brothers have recently moved out, so you can move in one of their bedrooms.” 

“Y-Yes, that sounds wonderful. Thank you so much -”, why was he getting so emotional? Maybe it was because of this family saving his life for a second time now, but Take couldn’t help but cry. 

“There there… it was a long day, wasn’t it? We’ll show you everything tomorrow, but for now your new bedroom is more important. Ken has left all of the furniture here, so you can use it. I’m sure he won’t mind. We just have to be quiet, the children are still asleep.”

She was constantly mentioning children and now he had to ask, “... what children?”

The young woman smiled and played with her coffee cup, “Madoka is the only biological child of my parents, but throughout the years they have adopted 3 ghouls. Hide, Ken and me. I am the only child that has my parents name. The other two have fake papers, stating that they were legally adopted by my parents. They died 4 years ago… since then I have adopted 2 more ghouls, they’re 3 and 5 years old. Their parents were killed by the CCG unknowingly of the fact that they were… parents.” 

Were they luckier than him? They at least got to met their parents, but at the same time they knew the people that they had been separated from too early. There was this hollow feeling in the pit of his stomach again, the static in his head returned, the same feeling he had when he learned that his grandparents died. 

“Nee-chan,” a little boy exclaimed why holding a younger child’s hand, “Saiko can't sleep.” His black hair was messy but only his layer haircut could be blamed for that. 

The girl had pale blue hair and instinctively ran over to Kimi, “Can I have a glass of water please?” 

“Of course,” she smiled so warmly at this child, it didn't feel like she was their big sister, she was more like a mother to them. 

“Who are you?”, the little boy looked a little sceptical at the stranger, customers didn't show up at this time of day, it was way too early. 

“I'm Hirako… And you are?” 

“Urie,” the boy looked at Madoka, “Is he…?” 

The young man nodded, “He is. Don't worry. Hirako-san will live with us from now on, he'll help Kimi and me with our work.” 

Little Saiko was busy drinking but she side eyed the man. He looked a little weird, he was so thin and worn out. Tired. Was he sick? She gave the glass back and ran over to Hirako, “Do you need a hug?” 

“H-Huh?” 

“My mama said hugs make everything okay and you don't look okay.” 

“Saiko -”, Madoka shook his head and was about to apologise on her behalf, but Take smiled. 

“No no it’s okay,” he lifted the little girl up and let her give him a hug, it felt good to hold another person close again. 

“Are you my uncle now?” 

“If you want me to be your uncle, then yes, yes I’m your uncle now,” it felt like ropes that were hanging loose were suddenly connected, he was no longer falling, now he was finally caught by a net, but it was up to him to wear it out or strengthen the joints. 

Kimi said he should take the rest of the day off, that he was surely exhausted and he had to admit that it was true. There were many things he needed to take care of now. He had barely spent any of the money his grandparents had saved up for him, so he’d go back into the city to buy the most important things like clothes, a cell phone, a notebook… he was making a list in his mind and glanced at the mirror that the previous owner had left in the room. 

Saiko was right, he looked worn out, his skin was paler than usual, his eyes were bloodshot, his hair was dry and lifeless. He wasn’t in the best condition now, but he was sure he’d get back on his feet very soon. 

“Kimi, could you do me a favour…?”, Take was nervous, it took him 20 minutes to build up the courage to ask her, “I am not very familiar with this city and I need to go shopping… could you accompany me maybe?” 

“Sure! I’m done with the paperwork for now and Madoka is taking care of the kids today. Where do you want to go?” 

It would take them awhile to get everything Take needed, but it was also a good opportunity to get to know each other better, “... so… you’re also adopted?” 

“Yeah... My parents started to take care of ghouls like your mother, they were surprised to learn that humans helped them, but they soon accepted it, some even became friends with them. I’m still…”, Kimi smiled sadly as she realised that most of them weren’t even alive anymore, “They taught me how to fight and live like a ghoul, while my parents taught me to live like a human and be compassionate and kind to every living being.” 

“My grandparents did the same… but I never met other ghouls, until now. I feel so clumsy and I’m glad that Kuramoto chose to spare me instead of killing me instantly.” 

Awkward silence spread and Kimi bit her bottom lip not sure if she should speak her mind or not., “It’s oddly surprising that he did… the 19th ward used to be mess. Kuramoto took control over it when he was only 15 years old, he came out of nowhere and was so incredibly violent. We never really got along well you know… he got a lot of negative attention that also drew attention to my ward, but it seems like he's a bit more tame now.” 

“... 15?”, when he was 15 years old the only thing he worried about was if he should go to school or not. He didn’t have a lot of friends and his class was incredibly small, he never planned on going to University like the other kids did, when he was honest he never dreamed of living in the big city, all he wanted was to stay with his grandparents, “... it’s not easy here… is it?” 

The young woman smiled but it was forced, “Incredibly hard, for both sides… I really wish there was an easy way out. There’s no need to kill each other, but we still do, we’re so stuck in this system and I don’t know if we can ever let go of it.” She sighed as she placed more groceries in her basket, “I think that’s everything. Are you sure you didn’t forget anything?” 

“I’m pretty sure I have everything I need, thank you.” 

Then a genuine smile formed on her lips, “You won’t thank me when you have to carry the groceries back home.” 

Take only smiled, no matter what would happen today, it surely wouldn’t ruin his mood, he had felt lost for the past weeks but now it seemed like his life finally got a new direction, “It’s okay. I don’t mind.” 

Back home he was finally able to take the shower he’d been dying to take for days now, how convenient that he had an own bathroom. This house was large enough for everyone to have enough space for themselves, it was really a shelter for lost souls and he was back where everything started, after all none of this wouldn’t have happened if it weren’t for his sake… 

He had no intention to be rude but he couldn't bring himself to spend the rest of the day with the Nishinos. There were too many things on his mind right now, too much he had to process. Everything happened so fast and when he was honest it felt like months had passed within the span of a day. 

But for a ghoul every second counted… Their life could change in the matter of seconds, considering that they already had a very limited lifespan. 

Take sighed and rolled around in his bed, it had been days since he got rest… Maybe he should just try and sleep now, he needed to be well rested for this first workday tomorrow. Even though his mind was so loud, his eyes slowly shut and fell asleep. 

“Uncle Take wake up!”, small hands pulled on his blanket and tiny feet stomped on the ground next to him, “Wake up!” 

“Mhm…”, he gently patted Saiko's head and yawned.   
,“Please tell me I didn't oversleep…” 

“No!”, she squealed, “Madoka just got up too. Now it's time for breakfast, breakfast!” The little girl ran outside of the room, giving Take the space and time he needed to get ready. Breakfast. What in the world did they… 

Take stared into the small bathroom mirror and gulped, only now he realised how his grandparents have never treated him like he was fully human. Yes they loved him, but there was something cautious in the way that they treated him, like he was some kind of wild animal that would attack them if they made the wrong move. Well were they wrong…? 

No, because why should they treat him like a human being? He wasn’t even one. 

“Is everything okay?”, Kimi was busy feeding the children while Madoka read the newspaper. It seemed like he didn’t mind cannibalism at the breakfast table, why should he? He grew up with a adoptive ghoul sister after all. 

“Yeah sure,” Take smiled, he had to. There was no way he could speak his mind with the kids at the table. 

“I’ll have to take care of some paperwork today, Madoka will show you around in your new workspace,” it was hard to multitask with the little ghouls jumping around and demanding more to eat, but they were kids so it wasn’t a big surprise to Take. 

Was he like that too…? Did he demand more food from his human grandparents when he was still a child himself? Suddenly his stomach felt sick as his mind was flooded with suppressed memories again of how cautious his grandparents were around him, how they side eyed him and feared other ghouls. He quietly ate up, not even realising that Madoka and Kimi exchanged worried looks.

After the breakfast Madoka lead Take in his workspace and gave him his work uniform. It wasn't too easy to remove the stench of dead bodies and chemicals so they had to wear uniforms, consisting of dark pants and a shirt, an apron, gloves and dark boots. Madoka put it on so swiftly like he never did anything else, meanwhile Take was clumsy and needed his time to adjust. 

“I think you'll first be okay with helping me dressing them, I'll show you how to apply their makeup once you're more comfortable around them,” Madoka’s face was expressionless, his hands moved quickly and his slender body didn't make it seem like he was able to lift the weight of a dead body, “We get 3 kinds of corpses. The ones that die of natural cause, victims of violence and… The nameless dead.” 

“What do you mean by the nameless dead…?”, maybe he should have asked for the categories first but curiosity got the best of him. 

“The nameless dead are the ones you eat. We cremate their bodies after harvesting them,” he said it like it was something normal, but Take felt his stomach turn, it was the same thing his grandparents did but he never saw them cutting the bodies into pieces, “They are homeless, people without families, criminals. In the end we're all the same though.” 

“... what do you mean?” 

“Ashes to ashes, dust to dust… I don’t know why everyone makes such a fuss about, ghouls, humans… neither party is better than the other, you know?” 

Take gulped and nodded. This man was years younger than him, but he had a completely different outlook on life. Thinking about it, even though his grandparents treated him like some kind of dangerous animal, Take grew up sheltered… Maybe even loved. What about Madoka though? What kind of horrors did he have to life through? 

It was so weird to touch a dead body, it felt like this person was just sleeping, they’d open their eyes any minute would they…? But he felt his stomach growl and he almost started crying, it was so embarrassing. 

“Hey, if you need a break it’s okay. You’re a ghoul, that’s a natural reflex when you smell them. Just tell me when you’re ready to help me again, okay?”, even though Madoka looked like a ghost, he still had some much warmth. 

“T-Thank you,” Take didn’t want to act strong, there was no reason to do so. No, not at all, “I-I…” He left the room as soon as he tears streaming down his face, wasn’t there really anything he could do right? 

20 minutes passed, he was still sitting on the front porch as someone approached him with a steaming hot cup of coffee, “Hey… it’s okay. Madoka told me what happened. No need to be ashamed you know? It wasn’t easy for me either in the beginning, but I got used to it. So will you.” 

“Thank you…”, he murmured before taking the cup from her, “... it’s just… I never really… had a sense or purpose in my life… and I really wanted… to do well now and I just… didn’t.” Great, he couldn’t even properly put in words what he felt, how much more of a fuck up could he even be? 

“Don’t stress yourself so much, Take. This is a completely new situation for you. Nobody expects you to do make it work right from the start, you’re a person not a machine. Madoka is not mad at you and neither am I. Just take your time to adjust.” She sipped on her coffee and gently bumped against the older man, “It’s okay really. You already did so much for us… without you my parents would have never changed their ways in a way that saved so many lives. Don’t say you don’t have a sense or a purpose, you just don’t see the impact you have on so many lives.” 

A soft smile formed on Take’s lips, “You’re right… thank you. I guess… everything was just a little overwhelming for me, you know?” 

“Mhm,” Kimi nodded and emptied half of her cup, “You know life’s never easy, especially not for us, but please know that you’re not alone. Now that you’re here you have a place you can always return to when you feel lost, you’re a part of our family.” 

A place he could always return to… it didn’t sound bad at all and it wasn’t bad. A family… even though he still thought fondly of his dead grandparents, there was this feeling of a distance between them that they never really overcame. Something that didn’t exist between him and the Nishions. Nobody here was scared of him, why should they be? They were just like him and Madoka grew up with ghouls, he never saw them as anything but his equals. 

Suddenly a group of people passed them by, it looked like a swarm of white birds just flew passed the tall buildings, every single one of them was carrying heavy metal suitcases. Kimi waved at them and smiled, a few waved back, the other’s just didn’t look at them. What was their problem? Was it scary that a living being waved at them from a place that was meant for the dead? 

“Who are these people…?” 

“... CCG investigators…”, so Take had never heard of them, “... before you ask, the CCG is the commission counter ghoul.” 

“...”, he almost dropped his cup but he pulled himself together in the last moment, “O-Okay…” 

“Just… try to be respectful to them… we bury their dead too,” Kimi eyes were so hollow and lifeless all of the sudden, “In the end we’re all the same, aren’t we?” 

“... I guess we are…”


End file.
